and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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