Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
