just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize