I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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