Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
