Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
