youre lurking in front of me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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