I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
