My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
