Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
