Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
