Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
