If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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