He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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