I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
