Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
operation harelip BJ is a go
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
