So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
