the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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