Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
