So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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