What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
