Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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