dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
