Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
