I hate your face
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
