do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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