Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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