YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
