That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
