Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
