So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
