S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
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i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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