Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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