maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
