Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize