The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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