I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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