Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
