A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
