i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
