this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
