And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
