please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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