people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
