I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
