I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
