that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
