Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
