His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
