just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
