it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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