that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize