Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
