the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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