I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
