boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
