but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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