Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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