Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
