none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He better not be in your backpack
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
