and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think a kid would responsible me up
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
