Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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