Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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