I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
