Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
