Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
