careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
