I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
