You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
