I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
