last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
