my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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