i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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