i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize