The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Damn victory sex feels great
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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