Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
