I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
